Now that I have gotten rid of all the angst and aching, I want to write this out then go to bed.

After our tryst in the backseat of your car, when we went inside the bar and sat down, I could not take my eyes off of you. You were smiling that smile I like so well. You had this shimmer in your eyes and when you were showing me pictures of J and telling me about her and when you were looking right into my eyes, too, I thought, Good god. I want him to be this happy as often as he can. I want to make him this happy.

You were light and warm and open and I hated having to walk away from you and all your gorgeous energy. We kissed across the table before I left and I thought how lucky I was to get to kiss you like that. How lucky I was to have just had your body all around me. How lucky I was to have seen you smile like that, even if it is the last time. I’ll let this memory lull me to sleep tonight, comfort me like a warm bowl of soup on a dark, chilly night.