Shit/Neurosis

Do you ever just stop and think, What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?

Like, not in a negative way. Not in a self-loathing, self-deprecating way.

More and more, I find myself questioning my decisions as if I’m fact-checking each one. It is as though I am (almost obsessively) evaluating whether my decision or action or behavior is in line with my values, with the values the type of person I strive to be would uphold.

I’m not sure when all of this fiery, rigorous self-evaluation began or why.

I believe it stems from my greatest fear: that one day I will be on my death bed and I will look back on my life and wish I’d lived more, done more, experienced more passion, embraced the entire spectrum of humanity.

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately… I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life… —Henry David Thoreau

Am I living each day enough?

Are you living each day enough?

Am I free, truly free?

Do you feel as though you practice true autonomy?

Is each decision my own, free from the oppressive constructs of institutions– the influence of other people? If not, how can I make it so?

Quis hic locus, quae regio, quae mundi plaga? Ubi sum? Sub ortu solis, an sub cardine glacialis ursae? —Seneca

I want to know each thing for what it truly is. I want to live an honest, well-examined life.

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